I didn’t grow up believing that I could create the outcomes in my life. Somewhere along the way I got lost, and I didn’t have the tools to find my way forward. Different moments and opportunities missed would mould me into a person that would eventually crack under pressure. I became the prime example of what life can look like when you’re in your early twenties and completely lost. 

I would spend from then until now at almost 30 years old, remoulding myself into a completely different person. Visiting my therapist’s office for the first time had me looking for the available exits for a quick escape and simultaneously knowing that my life was about to change. I grew up not taking mental health or emotional well being very seriously, not only that, I rejected it. Found it shameful and intimidating. I was even triggered by my own emotions, wanting to be so cool, calm and collected. In all honesty, I was a painfully sensitive soul who thought that experiencing life as so overwhelmingly intense was a part of the package. I had no idea that I had anxiety or depression, and it had never occurred to me that talking about your past could do you any good. Talking with my therapist let me feel the full force of what had happened to me as a child, and that was hard. It was nowhere near as hard though, as living one more moment of my life in the dark. Exploring myself held up the torch in the shame cave for me, and I finally took a look around.

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I discovered anxiety and depression when I was 21 years old, in 2016. I had, however, been experiencing both of these things periodically for years.  The irony is, I had no idea what that meant. I thought it was so normal to feel a sense of dread about making life decisions, to feel completely ill equipped for life’s challenges, and to feel like being settled and safe was really all I could ask for. I thought that I was a little too much, or not enough. To be brutally honest, I felt broken in a way that would never be quite right. Not broken in a romantic way, broken in a way that means you’re never quite up to the mark of doing something beautiful with your life. This was how I showed up in the world, and is also what led me to the place of needing to change it. This cycle of operating from a seemingly “broken” place, attracted what I called into my life, and then these shitty things I’d called in would confirm this core belief for me. The cycle would continue, and I would keep ignoring the lessons until one day, I wouldn’t.

A long time ago I heard this quote: “Get the inside right and the outside will fall into place.” The day I took charge of my mental health, was the day I finally realised that if I wanted to change anything at all, the work needed to come from me.

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I just needed the right support to get there. And that's what I developed this entire program around, the support I wish I had when I needed it, and the support I see my 1:1 therapy clients needing every day.